The Nigerian society breathes double standard as both oxygen and carbon dioxide. For a society that has placed a heavy load of expectations on the male gender and had In times past raised female children with the purpose of being given away to men, the lack of attention to the upbringing of male children Is rather appalling and more Infuriating Is the unmitigated display of sightlessness In the face of the Irreversible damages this negligence is wrecking In the society.
This negligence, veiled by a culture that ignores the destructive consequences, has brought us to a breaking point.
The Tragic Case of Christianah Idowu
A heart-wrenching example of this societal failure is the recent case of Christianah Idowu, a 300-level student at the Federal University of Agriculture, Abeokuta (FUNAAB). Christianah was kidnapped on August 19, 2024, by her supposed friend and church member, Ayomide Adeleye, who ultimately killed her after collecting a ransom from her parents.
What started as a simple request for shelter in a friend’s shop turned into a nightmare of a staged abduction, ransom demand, and cold-blooded murder. In a gruesome turn of events, Adeleye attempted to assault Christianah, and when she resisted, he killed her. This tragedy is not an isolated incident.
Adeleye had previously killed his ex-girlfriend in 2018 when he was just 17 and his biological sister in 2020 when he was 19. This Is a chilling revelation, one that brings goosebumps to the body at the thought of such height of cruelty that exists within a 23-year-old and the fact that he had managed to evade significant societal and familial intervention until now is both shocking and indicative of deeper systemic issues.
The Elephant in the Room
Public figures and celebrities have rightfully condemned the murder and sought justice for Christianah. Many have urged young women to be vigilant, advising them to carry pepper spray, pocket knives, and ensure their safety by always informing someone of their whereabouts. While these precautions are essential, they fail to address the elephant in the room — who raised Ayomide Adeleye?
Who are his parents? Who Is his pastor? And how did they raise such a monstrous being capable of such heinous crimes?Is he a maniac that kills for fun? At 23, such a record breaking feat not of winning awards or an academic feat but that of killing 3 young girls.
Parents have more than just biological connection to their children, they have this unique ability to sense when something Is wrong with their child or children, especially mothers. How come these parents didn’t notice the changes In their boy child at 17 after his girlfriend died, even at 21 when their daughter died and had to wait till he was 23 and another young girl had died In his hands, buried right Inside their place of abode.If negligence had a human form, His parents would definitely embody It.
Some voices on social media are quick to cast all men as potential threats, but this superficial response overlooks the core issue: the boy child is being neglected! The Nigerian society has failed to properly raise its male children, leaving them unprepared for life, untrained in basic human decency, and unchecked in their development.
“The Boy Child You Do Not Train…”
As King Sunny Adé once said in his 1983 album Synchro System, “The children you do not train today will steal from those whom you trained.” I’d like to revise this timeless truth by stating that The boy child you do not train today will ruin the girl child whom you trained.
The lopsided emphasis on girl child training and empowerment will lead the society Into a uphill of troubles least of which will be a 23-year old serial killer.
The quality of boys being released Into the larger society who have been told they are men, without the accompanying training required to be one Is sacrilegious.
Boys, who are often told to “suck it up,” “be strong,” and “don’t cry like a woman,” are left to internalize their emotions without guidance. This results in the creation of cold, unfeeling individuals who are often unable to function in a healthy manner within society. Not every muscular, bearded person is a man; many are merely boys who lack direction, empathy, and the moral grounding necessary to contribute positively to society
A Call for Balance
Train the boy child! Train the boy child! Train the boy child! Don’t breed them like goats, but train like children; Instill virtues such as compassion, discipline, respect, self-awareness; The egotistic mentality of “I’m a man, I don’t need help” must be dispelled early in life. Only then will these boys grow into strong, capable men who can stand alongside the equally well-trained female child, helping to propel society to greater heights.
This horrific incident involving Christianah and the failure of Ayomide Adeleye should serve as a wake-up call for Nigerian society. We must return to the drawing board, ask the right questions, and correct the societal imbalances.
While empowering the girl child is essential — especially in a society that has long marginalized women — we must ensure that we do not neglect the boy child in the process.
A society that focuses only on training its girls while leaving its boys unprepared will find itself in a tragic cycle where the trained, empowered girl child becomes a victim of the untrained, lost boy child; A case of the proverbial chicken who Is fattened all year round only to be killed on Christmas day.
True progress will only come when we strike a balance, ensuring both boys and girls are given the tools they need to thrive together.
Indeed the need to train the boy child cannot be overemphasized. Male children are not given much attention. They are rather left alone when they get to certain ages. This has always been a problem and the worst part is that we don’t pay attention to this. The boy child should be given as much attention as the girl child and it should not be for a certain period of time. A male child at the age of 30 is still a child whenever he/she is in the presence of his parents or wherever he/she is. I really hope much attention is given to this .